Planning a Marriage While Planning your Wedding

I was never a little girl who grew up thinking about weddings or my future wedding. I didn’t care about the colors, flowers, dresses or decor. I thought a lot about the mysterious future guy and what our life would be like together.

The process of planning my wedding was a roller coaster and probably one of my least favorite things I’ve had to do. It’s not because it was stressful because I am completely capable of dealing with stress (I think “Professional Stress Manager” is my actual life’s title). I really hate the vanity of the wedding planning. I hate how everyone tells you that this wedding day is all about you and what YOU want. Lies. Total lies. The wedding day is so much about other people and is such a huge distraction to everyone about what the day really is about. My wedding was lovely, I planned 95% of the wedding myself with the help of willing family. It was elegant and beautiful and I love how everything turned out. Was it perfect, probably not. Was it everything I dreamed about, no, I didn’t dream of a wedding, I dreamed of a marriage.

The thing that people forget is that after the dust settles you are left with hundreds of decorations, leftover food, party favors and your husband. What am I going to do with my decorations? I sold them all (I am not really sentimental…at all). Leftover food, eaten by family. Party favors, garbage. Husband, your life for the rest of your life. Chris and I spent time doing premarital counseling and reading books but looking back already, not even 6 months back, I wish that we had spent more. After all the talk and memory of the wedding day dies, you are left with a marriage that you probably should have taken more time to pour wisdom into. The year or 6 months or whatever time you spend planning the wedding is also the most crucial time to spend pouring time and effort into your relationship with your soon to be husband.

Below are a few of my tips (from experience) of how to plan a marriage while planning your wedding.

1. Don’t get too busy that you forget the priority. Spending time with your fiance should be number one on the list, not spending days crafting handmade things for the tables that everyone will forget the day after.

2. Do make time for premarital counseling and spending time pouring wisdom into your relationship. Among others, we highly recommend the book “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts”. Knowing each other fully is the most important thing you could do leading up to the wedding.

3. Don’t lash out at your fiance because you are stressed. Yes, bad moods happen to all of us and sometimes our first instinct is to take out the mood on whoever is closest to us. Likely your fiance will not be the one who is causing most of your stress, it will be your family, his family or vendors. This is a lesson for life and marriage in general but don’t take your stress out on others.

4. Involve your fiance in the wedding planning process. The wedding day is about the bride and groom together not just the bride. Chris had alot of input when it came to cake flavors, photography shot list, music and ceremony schedule.

5. Be collective in your decisions. Never contradict or challenge each other in front of people. This shows everyone involved in the wedding that this is a team decision and that you are walking in step with each other.

6. This again is a more general life/marriage rule but never ever talk bad about your partner behind their back. This is such a demeaning thing to do to anyone let alone the person you intend to spend your life with.

7. Recognize when something is coming between you and your fiance. If something or someone is taking too much time, causing you to overly stress or creating tension, release it/them from your lives. If that means you buy invitations instead of making them, fine. Marriage relationship comes before wedding.

8. Get rid of high expectations. This doesn’t mean lowering your standards but it does mean forget about the comparisons. Having expectations makes it so that you feel like you are constantly competing or comparing. These are killers in relationships and marriages and should be done away with.

These are just a few thoughts that came to my mind. Don’t get sucked into believing that your wedding day is the most important day. It an important day, the work after the wedding planning may stop but your work on your relationship never stops. Everyday is the most important day when it comes to marriages and relationships and we need to be putting the effort and work to help strengthen these.